Still Here: Pride and Autistic Trans Lives

About the Author

Brenda Dater, MSW, MPH, is the executive director at AANE and the author of “Parenting Without Panic.” Brenda is a mom of three, and her eldest is an Autistic woman. Brenda has facilitated parent support groups for over 20 years and thoroughly enjoys creating an environment where parents can find the support, information, and the community they need.

Last year, I wrote about fear and urgency during Pride Month. Sadly, much of what prompted that message has not changed. For many in the AANE community, Pride Month is still unfolding against a backdrop of a hostile environment, which breeds anxiety and uncertainty about the future.

But this year, there is something else too: exhaustion.

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from watching your identity debated endlessly in legislatures, headlines, courtrooms, and online conversations while trying to simply live your life. Many Autistic Transgender and gender-diverse people are carrying not only fear, but the emotional weight of feeling continually scrutinized, questioned, or treated as though their humanity is up for debate.

As the mom of an Autistic Transgender woman, and with her full permission, I’m sharing part of our family’s story again because silence still does not feel like an option.

I’ve shared previously that when my daughter came out as Transgender at age 25, she told us that before transitioning, she hadn’t been able to picture herself living past the age of 30. Knowing that she had felt this way before she could fully be herself feels as heartbreaking today as it was when she shared this.

After transitioning, things turned around completely. She returned to school, found an incredible and supportive community of friends, and began making plans for the future. She started to experience joy in a way she never had before. For the first time, she could imagine a future she genuinely wanted to live.

Her transition was not abstract. It was not political. It was not confusion.

It was survival.

Today, many Transgender people, including many who are also Autistic, continue to face mounting barriers to care, growing aggression, misinformation, and ongoing attacks on their right to exist openly and safely. Families are living with uncertainty about healthcare access, fearful rhetoric, and policies that send a painful message about whose lives are valued.

Particularly troubling is the continued effort to portray Autistic people as incapable of understanding their own identities or making informed decisions about their lives. At AANE, we continue to support thousands of Autistic individuals, many of whom are also Transgender or gender-diverse. We have known for some time through our own experience and from ongoing research: Autistic people are more likely than neurotypical people to be gender-diverse, and gender-diverse people are more likely to be Autistic than cisgender people.

These identities are real. Autistic people are capable of knowing themselves.

Pride Month is still about joy, celebration, and visibility. Previously, I have said it is also about defiance, but for many this year, it is also about endurance. It is about protecting one another, building community, and refusing to disappear in the face of relentless attacks.

My message remains unchanged. To every Autistic Trans person wondering whether the world sees you, please know this: we see you. Your life matters. Your identity is real. Your future matters.

And at AANE, we will continue fighting for a world where you are safe, supported, and able to thrive exactly as who you are.