Pride, Pain, and the Fight for Autistic Trans Lives

About the Author

Brenda Dater, MSW, MPH, is the executive director at AANE and the author of “Parenting Without Panic.” Brenda is a mom of three, and her eldest is an Autistic woman. Brenda has facilitated parent support groups for over 20 years and thoroughly enjoys creating an environment where parents can find the support, information, and the community they need.

Pride Month is often described as a time for joy, affirmation, and visibility. But this year, for many in the AANE community, Pride is also a time of anxiety and urgency.

As the mom of an Autistic Transgender woman, and with her full permission, I’m sharing part of our family’s story. Given the mounting threats to gender affirming care, we both feel strongly that silence is not an option. I continue to be in awe of my daughter’s courage and sense of justice. As she told me, “It’s not some abstract issue. This is about whether I get to live my life.”

When she came out as Transgender at age 25, she also shared something I’ll never forget. Before transitioning, she couldn’t see herself living past the age of 30. That’s what life felt like to her before she could be herself. 

After transitioning, everything changed. She returned to school, found a strong community of friends, and began making plans for the future. She started to feel joy, and for the first time, she could picture a future she actually wanted to live. Her transition wasn’t just a medical process. It was a lifeline.

Now, that lifeline is under threat.

A federal budget bill passed by the U.S. House would eliminate insurance coverage for gender-affirming care for people of all ages. At the same time, an anonymously authored HHS report was released that promotes “exploratory therapy” – a discredited approach that delays access to care and casts suspicion on Autistic people’s ability to understand their own gender.

The danger is real. If gender-affirming care is no longer covered, my daughter may lose access to the hormone therapy that allows her to live as herself. Without it, I fear she could spiral, and lose the future that gave her a reason to live. And she is not alone. Countless others across this country will face the same devastating loss if these policies move forward.

At AANE, we support thousands of Autistic individuals, many of whom are also Transgender or gender-diverse. Research confirms what our community has long known: Autistic people are more likely than neurotypical people to be gender diverse, and gender diverse people are more likely to be Autistic than are cisgender people. These identities are not confused. They are expressions of truth.

Pride Month is not only about celebration. It is about defiance. It means saying: Autistic Transgender people are not up for debate. Not their identities. Not their futures. Not their right to exist.

To every Autistic Trans person wondering if the world sees you – we do. And we will never stop fighting for you.