Educating Disabled Kids and Teens on Sexual Health

Article, Parent / Family Member, Professional, Parenting Teens / Adults, K-12

Publish Date: September 5, 2024

Maggie Bowlby, M.Ed.

About the Author

Maggie Bowlby, M.Ed, is the assistant director of Individual & Family Services at AANE and has been at AANE since 2020. Maggie spent 8 years as a special educator in Massachusetts. She is passionate about amplifying Autistic voices and promoting neurodiversity affirming practices across contexts.

Let’s start with a reflection: Take a moment to think about your beliefs surrounding sex ed for adolescents.

What is important for them to know? Do those beliefs change for disabled adolescents? How?

Do they change based on the type of disability? How?

What do you want for the neurodivergent and/or disabled kids in your life as they grow up?

Are romantic and sexual relationships a part of the equation? Why or why not?

One of the ways that ableism shows up most strongly is in the common perception around disabled individuals’ wants and needs romantically and sexually. The myth of “mental age” (read or watch all about it) can lead to discounting a disabled person’s desire and ability to engage in romantic and sexual relationships. A direct effect of this perception is that educators and loved ones often neglect to prepare disabled adolescents with the information they need to make safe choices for their sexual health. Disabled people are also significantly more likely to experience sexual assault, and we know that access to comprehensive sex education can decrease the risk of sexual assault and intimate partner violence.

Sex Education in the United States is widely varied for students of all abilities. State laws are not consistent in what can and should be taught. The gap widens when it comes to educating disabled children. For students on IEPs, health class can be the first thing to go when trying to create space for additional academic support in important content areas such as ELA and math. In my time as a special education teacher in MA, I saw students read social stories about where it is appropriate or inappropriate to touch their genitals. I saw teachers supporting Autistic adolescents to learn to use menstrual products. These are important life skills! However, I did not see all of my IEP students included in health class conversations about bodies and sex. I did not see disabled adolescents encouraged to understand topics their non-disabled peers learned about, such as puberty, their own bodily autonomy, safe and unsafe touch, STIs, how to ask for and give consent, or how to have safer sex.

While we wait for lawmakers and school boards to catch up, changing this disparity starts at home. (Sorry parents & caregivers; I know it’s uncomfortable.) Beginning from a young age, it is important to help children and adolescents of all abilities to know the medically accurate terms for their body parts and to know that they are the ones who make choices about their body. For example, not forcing kids to hug and kiss their loved ones unless they want to helps teach children that affection should not be forced. Kids need to understand safe and unsafe touch, so that they can protect themselves and report situations of abuse. They also need to be prepared with shame-free information about pleasure, consent, sex, and sexuality so that they can make good choices for themselves as they grow up.

I would love to see schools and educators prioritizing access to sex education for all students, and getting creative about how to help students of different abilities access medically accurate information proactively. I know many kindergarteners are beginning to learn body boundaries, and practice asking consent for hugs. Let’s continue this momentum. We can ensure we have representation of different types of relationships in our classroom libraries, including LGBTQ+ relationships, and disabled people in relationships, and more! If everyone in fifth grade is watching a specific video, plan the additional support and repetition that the IEP students may need. Maybe they need to watch it in shorter chunks in a smaller group. Maybe they need visuals to follow along with. Maybe the video is too complex, and it needs to be broken down by their Special Education Teacher. I think the most important thing about school is making sure that all the children have access to the information and leaving behind the assumption that they “won’t get it” or “don’t need to know it.” I will also note as a former teacher: this labor should not fall on the shoulders of teachers alone, and requires funding and planning time from those in power. Many teachers know that this is a need, but with the things they are required to fit into a day, may not have time to dedicate.

Adults of all abilities deserve to make their own informed choices around relationships, sex, and sexuality. If caregivers and professionals don’t arm disabled individuals with information and access to comprehensive sexual health care, we leave them vulnerable to abuse and negative sexual experiences, and potentially block them from exploring a beautiful and vital part of their life experience. The assumption that disabled people are not able to consent is infantilizing, and thinking that disabled folks are all asexual or heterosexual is just silly. Some caregivers may harbor a concern that talking about safer sex may lead to promiscuity and other unintended harms. However, as discussed in this article from ASAN and the National Partnership for Women and Families, “Comprehensive sex ed programs have been linked to the increased use of contraception, a reduction in the rate of unprotected sex, and a decline in HIV and other STIs.”

There are not a lot of clear cut answers in this area. There is a need for systemic change in the way we educate all adolescents around sexual health — including relationships, gender, sex, and sexuality. For now, the work falls to individual parents and educators to start conversations early and have them often with the adolescents in their lives, disabled or not. This begins with preparation, research, and reflection. Some best practices include creating an open dialogue without judgment, asking questions and approaching with curiosity, and giving simple, factual information. Luckily, there are also more resources emerging on this topic! Check some of them out below!