Alone in the Dark

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Alone in the Dark

by Matthew Benjamin

Ever since the day you were born you’ve been trying to survive
Trying to live the “normal life”
That’s all been a lie
Ever since the beginning

It all started in elementary school
Getting pulled out of classes
You didn’t know why at the time
You didn’t know at the time that you were different
You didn’t know at the time that you had issues 
You thought to yourself this was normal at time but in reality it wasn’t
Your friends are starting to look at you differently
Whispering to each other and pointing at you, like you did something wrong
Trying to figure all of this out at the age nine was hard
Thinking nothing of it, not knowing it would get harder as time moved on…

In middle school
Things are changing from left to right
You start acting differently
You start talking differently
Thinking that it’s normal but it’s not
The whispers and rumors are spread fast about you
You start being called names, when you know it’s not true
Deep inside this is who and what you are
They don’t understand what they’re talking about 

What they’re talking about might be true
You just don’t know what’s right from wrong
You’re just trying to live your “normal life”
Nothing’s normal, about what’s going on
You might start realizing something indeed is different about you
You just don’t know what that is
Maybe you should go and ask your parents about it
When you do, they’re trying to explain it the best way they can without making you upset
Now you’re confused and questioning ever word they say
You don’t know what to do but have a mental break down
Cause you just got told that you’re different
That this will stay with you for the rest of your life
You just don’t understand anymore about what’s going on, what’s real and what’s a lie
Thinking that things might get better or change, but ohh boy you couldn’t be any more wrong

In high school
The bullying and getting picked on is much worse than in middle school
Getting made fun of for everything you do and say
Getting made fun of for your own beliefs 
Getting made fun of for your own personality
Wishing that it would all go away
The opportunity came but there was a catch 
The catch was they wanted you to stay back a grade
So you didn’t go to heaven and decided to stay in hell instead
Day in and day out wishing and hoping it will all go away
Another two years of misery, pain and suffering 
Once you finally graduate, that nightmare is over, but is it really…
Cause you have been told throughout your life that you have certain conditions
That this isn’t the first time you heard this and it won’t be the last time either
That this isn’t the first time you heard these conditions that you have
The ADD, The ADHD, The OCD, The PTSD, The Autism
That you’re different and that your special 
That you have been tested for these conditions throughout your life
Remember in Elementary, Middle & High school
Getting pulled out, that’s why, they were testing you to see if you have these conditions
That you need certain conditions;
Like a quiet room to do testing and need more time on your test
That’s what was happening
All of this going on, in your so called “normal life”

It pains you, that the life you’ve been giving has all been a lie
It pains you, that the road you’ve been taking wasn’t yours to begin with
That the path was chosen for you from the start
The expectation of what your life wanted to be and the life you got was so different
It pains you, wishing that it would just all go away
Thinking that you would be better off dead than alive
Wishing that the voices inside of your head would go away
That these four walls that are surrounding you are getting closer and closer
That there’s no way out, out of this hellhole nightmare

Not knowing that other people are going through this as well
Not knowing that other people might have the same conditions as you do
Not knowing that you’re not the only one
Not knowing that out there in the world might be help
You just have to find it, it might take you a while, but it’s out there
Struggling to survive with conditions that you didn’t ever want in the first place is hard
Just know that if you are struggling or need help
Know that it’s never too late
It’s never too late… to stop being alone in dark

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