Traveling with Neurodivergent Youth

Livia Cheung, M.A.

Livia Cheung, M.A.

About the Author

Livia Cheung, M.A., is an information and resource specialist at AANE and a mother whose son was diagnosed at age 3. She is currently studying clinical psychology, hoping to use her experience to connect with fellow caregivers and empower families. She also speaks fluent Cantonese and has a younger neurotypical child.

School is out and summer is here! If you want to spice up the summer and travel with your neurodivergent family members, here are some guiding principles I have found helpful.

1. Pick a place where everyone will have something to love – individually and together.

Whether it is a specific vacation spot, a short getaway, or a weekend outing, I always think about the activities each of us would enjoy individually and the activities we are excited about as a family unit. This is where I have found the most success in planning. The trip should be an experience in which every family member gets something to love and savor (and that includes us parents)!

For example, if I want to go to a city or a place that primarily has a lot of museums, but the rest of the family would not enjoy that, I would save that for another time and plan a trip that caters to everyone’s interests. It is important to know everyone’s preferences and limits. 

For instance, one of my sons adores toucans, sloths, and birds in general, so we planned a visit to a country that offers an enriched biodiversity. Costa Rica came up during the planning process as it is known for its nature and biodiversity. Meanwhile, the parents love coffee and want to visit a coffee farm. While the children don’t care for coffee, they enjoy looking at coffee beans in nature and appreciate the treats at the cafe. This way, we could intertwine activities that we all enjoyed.

2. Try to work within everyone’s comfort zone.

Places that are usually crowded are more difficult for my Autistic child. There are a few things that we can do to make locations like this work. We would either visit during off-peak hours, look for a private tour, and also seek accommodations. Many places offer accommodations free of charge. Airports offer special assistance, different theme parks also offer accommodations through guest relations. It is worth researching what is offered ahead of time and making arrangements if necessary. 

In addition, flexibility in scheduling is very important; I often find we need to visit certain places at hours that are not busy to avoid the crowd. It is important to have a lot of flexibility in scheduling and not pack the day full of activities so that you can make last-minute changes.

3. Pair something fun with non-preferred activities.

While I cater to the needs of the family members, I also want to experience activities I enjoy. For example, I admire historical architecture, love visiting ancient cities, and enjoy taking hikes, but there are limitations to how long my kids can walk around. Therefore, we take a lot of ice cream breaks between walks and hikes. We also love to stop and spend time watching cute animals while we visit places. This happened when we visited Machu Picchu in Peru. While it was monumental for me to appreciate the beauty of the ancient Incan ruins of Machu Picchu, it was just as intriguing for my children to interact with the llamas for two hours. We all had something to cherish as a family and the children were able to enjoy the experience in ways that connected them. 

4. Tickle their curiosity.

There are times when we do something new, such as visiting a new country or doing a new activity. It is helpful to provide background information and see what my children think. If I am taking them to a new country, I look up the country on the map with them. I would also share one or two pictures of the country that we are going to visit and some highlights of that country. Some children are fine with uncertainty and the unknown; they embrace it. My Autistic child likes to be informed. I share everything that I know with him such as the location of the place and what it looks like so that he has a sense of what will happen. For things that I don’t know in terms of detailed scheduling of activities, I tell him that we are thinking about a few things and we don’t know which one we will end up doing.

This strategy has been working quite well. I found my children are intrigued by the way I explain the details. It could be a weekend-long camping trip to see the bugs and sleep in a tent, or a road trip to Canada to see the lavender fields (with the possibility of having lavender-flavored ice cream). Giving the children ideas of potential activities helps them to be mentally ready. 

5. Restock, refill, and don’t sweat the small things.

This is the strategy that I started using when I started traveling with my son since he was one month old, and I have been sticking to it ever since. Back in the day, it was more about not packing too many diapers and backup formula. I would pack just enough diapers and a maximum 2-day supply of anything needed. After we arrived at the destination, I would make stops at local supermarkets and pharmacies to get my supplies. Since my children are much older now, it is still true that we manage to secure supplies in places that we visit. This habit turns into an activity that my children absolutely look forward to. 

Our family packs light, and I always tell my children that if we are missing something, we will get it somewhere. We live up to that 100% of the time. For example, my children love to overpack their backpacks with brain teaser games and books. I like for them to get new books or games at the airports or gas stations as an experience. We also make it a habit to browse at any local supermarket that we come across. My children truly love the opportunities to engage in filling up their supplies, and they know that traveling equates to opportunities to stock up on new snacks and games that they may or may not have seen before. 

As long as we have our passports and IDs, everything else is extra. I think it is helpful for me to show them just how we will be okay without the everyday items that we use, and shopping at different supermarkets for lotions, snacks, and first-aid items has been working out for us. It makes traveling less anxious and more adventurous. 

6. Manage anxiety with changes and the unknowns. 

There is nothing more distressing than attempting to check in at the airport to learn that you don’t have the required visa to board the plane, and it would take up to three days to receive an e-visa to depart. This happened to us when we were overseas. We were all stuck at the airport with a plan that didn’t work out. 

I needed a minute to sit down and regroup. Instead of trying to figure it out at the check-in counters, we sat down and had breakfast while working on alternatives. My spouse thought that waiting for the e-visa for an unknown duration was an option. My children gathered that we couldn’t fly to the next destination and they started asking questions, and I sensed a lot of anxiety due to changes and uncertainty. 

The truth was, we were at the airport, all packed up to go. We realized we could just cancel the tickets and hotel and look for a completely new destination at the last minute. And we did just that. 

While my spouse and I were working on where to go and trying to book the flights, I told my children that things happen and we will figure it all out. At least we would still be going on a trip – just not where we planned. They were still feeling a bit uneasy and disappointed, but I told them this kind of unexpected event happens to all of us; we would problem-solve and we will see how it goes. We ended up visiting a relative in another country, surfed some waves, and visited some beautiful islands. I attribute this positive experience to the ability to manage my own worries about changes and embrace uncertainty. 

7. It’s not about getting things done or checking off a list; it’s about the family experience. 

When I think about the many reasons why we travel, the most important one that comes to mind is wanting us all to have a good time and enjoy ourselves. When I was a solo traveler, I would create a list and check off all the places on my list. Now my circumstances are different. I understand that my children need me to be flexible and allow extra time to adore animals en route, or take more breaks to decompress and cool down. Building in extra time for these activities helps us all to relax; it also allows us to travel and engage in the surroundings the way we all like. There would be no point in doing more and more only to have less and less fun.

I always think about traveling with our children in these words “Lean in and expand.” While I lean in and cater to their needs and interests, I also expand their worldview by introducing new places, new activities, new food, and new languages. My children surprised me with their newfound interests in places that I least expected, such as the love for toucans in Costa Rica and cats in Mykonos. My hope is that my children savor our time together as they grow up, and also want to recreate those moments with those they love.…

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