An Introduction to Sexualities, Identities, and Relationships

Article, Parent / Family Member, Professional, LGBTQ+

Publish Date: June 5, 2025

Leslie Sickels, LCSW

Video and written adaptation with permission from AANE’s Intimacy Intensive by Leslie Sickels

Recognizing the need for advanced training for therapists and coaches to identify and address intimacy challenges in neurodiverse relationships, AANE developed Intimacy Intensive – a comprehensive course incorporating both lived and professional experience. Lessons include, Complexities of Intimacy, Factors That Influence Intimacy, Affairs and Affair Recovery, and much more. One of the components of the course was a video presenting an outline of terminology to give participants a basic understanding of words for different sexual, gender, and relationship identities. Knowing the value of this for the entire community, we are presenting the video from the course intended for clinicians and a written adaptation of that presentation. For more information about the Intimacy Intensive for therapists and coaches, click here.

Introduction

It’s really helpful to know terminology surrounding sexuality, gender identity, and types of relationships. Language is constantly evolving and there are always new terms coming out, but it’s important to have a solid foundation so those we interact with do not feel they have to do the educating in order for us to offer support.

The following are basic terms related to sexuality, sexual identity, or gender and also a couple of different types of relationships. This is not a comprehensive list, but hopefully one that can provide a basic set of terms beyond heterosexuality.

Sexuality

Gay is often used for someone who’s attracted to someone of the same gender. This is usually used to refer to men, but not always. The word transitioned from a neutral term to a pejorative slur and then, for some, back to a positive self-identifier. The word lesbian is a word that is used for women who are attracted to other women. Sometimes a woman may also use the term gay and may use that interchangeably. This is very much based on personal preference.

Bisexual or bi describes someone who is attracted to members of more than one gender. Sometimes that might be anyone who doesn’t necessarily have a specific preference to just being attracted to men or just being attracted to women, but have attraction to both.

Pansexual refers to someone who has attraction regardless of person’s sex assigned at birth or gender. This may be someone who’s attracted to someone who identifies as transgender or gender non-conforming, but it’s really not based on someone’s sex or how they identify their gender.

Queer is a word that folks may use to self-describe. This previously was another derogatory slur that has been reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community. It’s used as an umbrella term to describe people who reject traditional gender or sexual orientation categories and are thinking of themselves in a more expansive way. This is a term that shouldn’t be used to label someone unless the person has expressly used it to describe themselves. It may be useful to ask a little bit more about how a person uses that term to describe themselves. Is it related to their gender? Is it related to their sexual orientation? Is it both? Is it something else?

Asexual is a broad term that covers a range of experiences and exists on a spectrum. People who identify as asexual might feel little or no sexual attraction, or they might experience it in ways that don’t fit typical expectations. Being asexual doesn’t mean someone doesn’t want close relationships; they can build deep, meaningful connections that can be romantic, platonic, or based on other kinds of attraction. This is a valid identity and isn’t a term for somebody who isn’t sure or is questioning their sexuality.

Demisexual describes somebody who doesn’t experience sexual attraction until they have a really strong, deep emotional connection. An emotional connection needs to be there and be in place before they really feel a physical sexual attraction towards someone else.

Again, these are some sexual identities; there are many more, but those are some common ones to create a nice foundation of understanding outside of heterosexuality.

Gender

Gender is that idea of a sense of self – who someone is internally. When we think about gender, that is how a person feels about themselves and who they are as a person, as opposed to what we might think of as sex or biological sex. Biological sex is based on biological characteristics and something that is given to someone at birth, usually based on external sex organs. When we think about gender, we have seen some studies in the autism and the neurodiverse world that shows there may be some higher rates of gender non-conformity in the Autistic community. Gender roles and adherence to gender norms may be a little bit more in flux for Autistic individuals.

Transgender or trans refers to someone whose gender identity – the experience of who they are as a person – doesn’t match the sex that they were assigned at birth. This could be somebody who is assigned male or female at birth and their internal sense of self doesn’t match that assigned sex. The word cisgender is someone whose gender does match their assigned birth sex. So for example, if somebody was assigned a man at birth and they experience themselves as a man or male, they might identify as cisgender.

Non-binary is someone who doesn’t see themselves in the binary categories of man or woman but falls outside of that or out of that structure. Gender non-conforming is another term describing somebody who doesn’t adhere to traditional gender roles or gender norms for a particular gender. Both terms may be used by those who may have or exhibit different gender expressions, gender roles, gender norms, or gender identity, that isn’t in that binary.

Relationships

Here are a couple of different terms related to relationships.

Monogamy is a relationship that is intentionally between two people: one person having only one partner, both in terms of their emotional relationship and sexual relationship. Monogamy is an active choice to have just one partner and be committed to that one partner.

Polyamory or poly means being in a committed relationship with two or more people. This can be both in terms of a relationship and sex, but usually when we talk about a poly relationship, it is a committed relationship between more than two people.

An open relationship refers to a committed relationship, and that can be a committed monogamous or a committed polyamorous relationship, but it’s often where partners are not exclusive in terms of sex. It is an active decision in that committed relationship that the partners can be sexual outside of that committed relationship.

Intimacy is about closeness and connection between people. Intimacy looks a lot of different ways for different people. But I like to separate that out from sexual contact or sex. When we think about sexual contact or behavior, that could mean lots of different kinds of sex or sexual contact. It can be either self sex, like masturbation, it can be sex between two or more people. But really it is worth differentiating intimacy and sex as two different things.

One last note on identities – be it sexual identities, types of relationships or genders. Any identity may fluctuate over the course of a relationship. Where somebody begins their relationship and how they see themselves, how they see their partner, or how they have determined what their relationship might look like may change over the course of time. It’s really common and healthy for sexual identities and gender to have some flux over the course of someone’s lifespan.