A Q&A on AANE’s Gender Identity Support Group

About the Author

Emmett Perkins uses he/they pronouns and has been working with AANE since he was a teenager. He loves dogs, poetry, and advocating for disability rights, and hopes whoever is reading this has a good day.

Emmett Perkins is one of two co-facilitators of AANE’s gender identity group and greatly thanks his fellow co-facilitator Maxfield Sparrow for crafting the questions to this Q&A! AANE’s gender identity support group currently takes place on the first Thursdays of every month at 7:30 pm.

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How would you describe the gender identity group to someone who’s never heard of it?

Emmett: I would describe it as a space to truly and authentically be yourself in. And that means coming to the space as you are, with whatever feelings you’re bringing to the table. We’re not a place where, like, happiness is an enforced emotion. We like to meet people where they’re at.

In addition, it’s a safe place. I know “safe spaces” is kind of buzz-wordy now, but what I mean by this is: if you’re both Autistic, and you are interested in discussing and exploring your gender identity, you are welcome here. If you want to try out a new name, try it. We’ll go with you. You want to change your pronouns in the middle of a meeting? Do it. We’ll go with you. It’s a space where change and growth and exploration are all encouraged. 

Are there ways that being Autistic shapes how people experience gender, or come to understand their gender? 

Emmett: Oh, I would definitely say so! In my personal experience, and there are studies backing this, I’ve found there’s a higher prevalence of being trans in my Autistic peers than my neurotypical peers. It seems that autistic people tend to “play” with gender more freely, or at least feel less ascribed to gender roles than their NT counterparts. 

Personally–and I do not, cannot, and will not speak for my entire community–I know that I feel like gender roles are socially constructed barriers that are not only able to be torn down, but reconstructed.

What this looks like for me is my gender euphoria and my Autistic joy intersect at really beautiful angles. When I’ve got on a shirt depicting my special interest, when hair’s just been shaved and I run my fingers through it, or when I’m wearing a favorite, worn-out hoodie that’s baggy in just the right way, it all creates a sense of gender euphoria and Autistic joy.

What does a typical session feel like?

Emmett: A typical session looks a little same and a little different every time. The thing that stays the same is the structure.

First, a facilitator will share their screen to present the agreements. This is a set of expectations for the group and agreements about how it will be run. One important thing to note about these agreements is that they’re sort of meta; participants are always welcome to bring up these expectations as a conversation topic. Maxfield and I do this so the group conventions can grow and change as the participants need them to. 

Then, we do introductions. Names, pronouns, location as you feel comfortable (and you can be as specific as your town or as vague as planet earth), a “hi” and a “lo” for the month, and how you’re currently feeling. We do leave space so everyone gets a turn, but no one is obligated to share. Intros can take up quite a bit of time, but they’re an important part of the group.

Then, we dive into topics. Topics change each time we meet, and range from the more everyday situations of being gender non-conforming and Autistic to simply sharing the joy of our special interests. Things can get heavy occasionally, but Maxfield and I try to keep things both as supportive and as open as possible.

We also give a full two hours instead of the listed one and a half hours; we try to let people know ahead of time, so they can allocate energy units (“spoons,” for those familiar with Christine Miserandino’s spoon theory) as necessary.

What does Pride mean in the context of this community?

Emmett: Pride means: showing up as yourself. All of yourself. Even the messy bits. Even the bits people may have tried to press out of you. Don’t be quiet, ever. Share all of yourself. The world is waiting!