What a Rescue Dog Taught Me About Autistic Joy

About the Author

Brenda Dater, MSW, MPH, is the executive director at AANE and the author of “Parenting Without Panic.” Brenda is a mom of three, and her eldest is an Autistic woman. Brenda has facilitated parent support groups for over 20 years and thoroughly enjoys creating an environment where parents can find the support, information, and the community they need.

As we approach the end of the year, I’ve been thinking about Autistic Joy – the joy that takes shape in the small, steady moments of daily life: the comfort of routine, the spark of a deep interest, and the relief of being understood without having to explain.

In our home, joy arrived this month in the form of a small, gentle, endlessly enthusiastic new companion. We adopted a rescue dog named Iris. Watching her settle into our lives has reminded me how joy often shows up: unexpectedly, generously, and with every fiber of her being. Iris loves cuddles, long walks, tug-of-war, and greeting every person she meets as if they’re already a friend. She brings warmth into the house simply by being herself. That simple presence has made everything feel a little lighter.

I’ve also been thinking about how many Autistic adults describe this same kind of joy and connection with animals. There’s comfort in a relationship that doesn’t demand small talk or hide expectations behind social rules. There’s calm in predictable rhythms. There’s relief in being accepted fully without caveats. The bond we have with Iris and that so many others have with their pets creates a joy that doesn’t have to be translated or negotiated, but simply lived.

In a year where disinformation has tried to cast long shadows over what autism “is” or “isn’t,” these moments of joy feel even more important. They remind us that autism is not defined by fear or rumor—it is defined by Autistic people living full, meaningful, and joyful lives.

As we move into the holiday season, I hope you find moments of joy that help you feel lighter. Maybe it’s an enjoyable conversation, a familiar routine that feels just right, or, in my case, a dog leaning gently against your leg.