The Mirror’s Own Reflection

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This poem contains mental health themes.

The Mirror’s Own Reflection

by Matthew Benjamin

They say when you look in the mirror, you see someone else completely different from you
That the person in the mirror isn’t who you are
It’s somebody else looking right back at you
…
…

Why is the mirror showing me Alice’s life?
Her life and my life are so different, maybe so
So why then are you showing me someone who isn’t real
Someone who’s just a fantasy 
Someone who thinks Wonderland is real
Someone who doesn’t know what I’m going through
The pain and suffering
The agony and misery
The lies and rumors
Spread around quickly
Laughing and pointing at my very own despair
This dreaded nightmare – I just want it to all end
So I can never go back and get brutally tortured by others
…
…

Where I can escape from this reality and be right beside Alice and her friends
Where no one can tell me that I’m different
Where no one can tell me that I’m somebody else
Where I can be just the person who I truly am
Maybe we’re not so different at all
Maybe we’re going through the same life 
Maybe me and Alice are just empty souls
‘Cause what we see is a whole different world
Through a mask that’s getting torn apart quickly
This thick line between reality and fiction is slowly ripping apart
This looking glass is starting to break apart
Piece by piece the image of Alice and Wonderland are disappearing
Broken and shattered my heart and soul
Mirror, please can you show me Alice and Wonderland once more
Mirror, please can you not have my hopes & fantasy just be a faded dream
…
…

Mirror, please – I’m begging on my knees
I’m trying to fix you, but I don’t know how
The dark voices are echoing
Haunting & taunting me
These inner demons are trying to rip apart my wings
Tearing me apart until I’m all shattered and broken down
This mask I’m wearing is falling apart
I don’t even know who I truly am anymore
The light at the end of the tunnel 
Is getting further away
The light is disappearing in the shadows every time I try to get closer
Death waits for me every single moment
God knows I’m not a perfect person
So I hope one day I can be forgiving
So I can finally spread my angel wings and fly away
But for now, all I’m just trying to do is survive this hollow life
…
…

But I know deep down there’s hope inside
I know I’m not alone
I know there are others out there
I know this dream living a fantasy doesn’t have to take over my whole life
I know what I see the world as
It’s very cold & mad inside
This disease of telling yourself that you’ll be alright is all but a lie
‘Cause deep down you feel sick all around
People start looking at you like they’ve seen a ghost
Passing right through like you’re nothing
To them you’re just invisible
To them you don’t matter at all
To them they think differently of you
All you’re trying to do is live a normal life
…
…

But you can’t because society has other thoughts
You’ve been dragged through the dirt until it gets under your skin, but you try to escape
But it’s too late ‘cause the walls are closing right in
You’re suffering trying to find a way out
But there’s no way out of this hellhole
This hellhole is your last final breath of hope
It’s hard to breathe hope when it’s all concealed behind a mask
It’s hard to breathe hope when it’s struggling to remain concealed within the shadows
It’s hard to breathe hope when it’s struggling, battling & fighting our own inner demons
These inner demons are the true face’s of evil
This evil knows what your deepest fear is and what your true weaknesses are. 
Amongst this pain, it puts it right in front of you, teasing and mocking you until you have a mental breakdown
That’s just what society is, the idea that we have to play by its own principles
We have to look a certain way and set rules we have to follow
If we don’t follow these standards, we get in trouble and punished for our deeds and sins
…
…

We know it doesn’t have to be like this
We know we have to be the ones in command. We know we have to taking a stand
We have to lead the way and take control of the situation at hand, like true soldiers
Fighting for what we believe in
Fighting for the person you truly are
That it comes from our very hearts & souls
Fighting for our true identity
Fighting for everything we stand for
Our Voice, Our Selves, Our Personality, Our lives and Our Disability
That the reflection in the mirror on the wall is all of us struggling to survive
That the reflection in the mirror on the wall is all of us finding our true places in the world
That the reflection in the mirror on the wall is all of us finding our true faces in the world