Prioritizing the Individual at the Center of the Team

About the Author

Elise Wulff, MEd, is a Senior Manager for Consultation Services at Mass General Brigham for Children

When we think about a Neurodivergent individual’s team at any stage in life, we often focus on finding the right people with the right expertise at the right time — all important steps in building effective support. But one of the most essential voices on any team is often right in front of us: the individual themselves.

Parents and caregivers often spend years learning, coordinating, and connecting with providers to support their loved one. It’s equally important that Autistic & Neurodivergent individuals have the same opportunities to learn these skills. By doing so, they can become their own best team member socially, emotionally, and organizationally.

When families, schools, and clinicians work together, they form an autism support network — a collaborative structure that empowers individuals while strengthening communication and consistency across environments. Below are some tools to consider in the role of caregiver or as an individual preparing to best participate and manage their team. 

Like any team, a support network is strongest when members commit to following three key principles:

1. Be organized
2. Prepare your perspective
3. Understand others’ perspectives

These principles help individuals — and the people supporting them — stay connected, confident, and ready to problem-solve together.

1. Be Organized

Create a Care Team Organizer.
List each member’s name, role, goals, contact information, and meeting schedule. This visual tool helps individuals and caregivers clearly see how their autism support network fits together.

Person	Role	Goals	Contact Information	Meeting Schedule

Organize tasks and time.
Use calendar systems that work for you and include a preview of upcoming meetings. For example, put a reminder in your calendar 2 days before your next psychiatry appointment to organize your feedback and questions. Or, put a reminder 1 month out from the expiration of your Reasonable Accommodations to request a meeting with your HR representative and begin to organize your talking points.

Creating a support system for autism requires structure. Organized tools and predictable systems reduce anxiety, strengthen independence, and support clear communication among all team members.

2. Prepare Your Perspective

Before a meeting or appointment, think about how you best organize your thinking on a given topic: Brain maps? Outlines? Talking it through with a trusted person? Recording audio notes? Use one of these personalized tools to work through your thoughts on a given topic and any specific requests you have to share in advance of the live meeting.

During a meeting:

• To best digest content during the meeting, consider applying those same or similar tools:
  • Ask in advance if tools or accommodations are available (e.g., visual agendas, recording permission, note-takers).
  • Bring a trusted person to take notes or help process information.
  • Don’t forget: You can also request materials in advance to allow for reflection time, if possible.
• While preparing your own perspective, remain open to others’ insights. A quick mantra can help balance advocacy with collaboration:
  • “This team is here to be supportive.”
  • “I will learn by listening.”
  • “Stay open.”

After a meeting:

• If you leave a meeting and have a question, use the channels available to you- online medical records programs such as PatientGateway or MyChart, email, phone call, among others. 
• In specific situations, consider summarizing your take-aways from the meeting, including action items, and share those with the attendees to confirm everyone is leaving with a similar understanding.

3. Understand Others’ Perspectives

A strong autism support network thrives when all perspectives are allowed space in the decision-making process. Educators, clinicians, family members, and the individual bring unique expertise. Practicing empathy and curiosity strengthens relationships and ensures that everyone is working toward shared goals. Reference your Care Team Organizer to think about the specific expertise and role of each team member.

• Consider your own processing speed. Prepare some scripts, even consider writing them down, to make sure you get what you need to make decisions. Some examples of scripts could be:
  • “I’m not ready to commit to that just yet.” Or “I need some time to think this over before making a decision.”
• Use active listening techniques to ensure what you understood is what the person said and/or intended:
  • “Could I say that back to you to be sure I understand?”
  • “If I understood you correctly, you are saying…”

The Value of Student Participation in the IEP Process

For families involved in Special Education, the Individualized Education Program (IEP) process is a valuable opportunity to practice collaboration and advocacy, building skills that can serve the Autistic student throughout their lives. It connects families, educators, and specialists into a cohesive autism support network centered on the student’s growth.

Key Considerations for promoting your child’s participation in the IEP process:

• Participation Matters: Involvement in the IEP process is linked to improved self-determination, self-advocacy, post-secondary education, and employment outcomes. 
• Participation Is Personalized: Each child’s participation will look different. Collaboratively map out a plan with the school team to ensure it is an individualized, productive, and inclusive process. 
• Participation May/Will Require Disclosure: Recognize that full participation in the IEP Process will require diagnosis disclosure to your student,but this is not something to fear. Consider your child’s participation in the IEP process as a way to keep the self-understanding process moving forward, which should evolve and deepen as they get older. 

A Framework for Involvement: 

1. Inform: Reflect on how you learned about the IEP process. Help your child understand its principles by creating visual aids, like a graphic organizer of team members and their roles or a sample agenda. Utilize a blank IEP template from DESE’s website to explain the document without your child’s information included. 
   
2. Collaborate: Engage in discussion(s) with the school-based liaison or team members to set the stage for effective participation. Here’s a potential sequence of helpful topics to discuss:
   
   1. Share your home perspective on your child’s experiences. 
   2. Ask for the school’s perspective. 
   3. Discuss plans for your child’s attendance and engagement. 
   4. Share past conversations at home about the IEP process. 
   5. Ask what discussions should happen at school. 
   6. Create a roadmap for future conversations. 
3. Prepare: Build on your child’s knowledge of the IEP process by gathering relevant information to discuss during the meeting. Actively seek your child’s input on specific IEP components by asking questions like:
   
   1. What do you want to be when you grow up? 
   2. Is there something teachers do that really helps you at school? or Tell me about a time a teacher did something super helpful at school. 
   3. How is it going transitioning to and from services with [insert name here]? 
4. Activate: Participation looks different for every student. Think creatively about how your child can best perform during both the listening (waiting!) and sharing portions of the meeting. Options include:
   
   1. Creating a PowerPoint presentation 
   2. Recording an interview in writing, video, or audio 
   3. Engaging in role-play to prepare to attend the meeting live 
   4. Consider if the student will benefit from or require a plan to self-regulate during the meeting. Discuss and make a plan for, even practice, coping strategies before the meeting.
5. Assess: Find times during the year to discuss the IEP process and ‘check-in’ about how things are going.
   1. This is a great time to express your own positive thoughts, feelings, and confidence in the school team! 

Ultimately, the IEP process offers valuable opportunities for your child to develop essential life skills, including self-awareness, self-advocacy, and self-determination. For additional resources as a caregiver or neurodivergent individual, visit www.imdetermined.org.

Consider this webinar to learn more about promoting your child’s participation in the IEP process.

Or, attend a live workshop on the topic.