Self-Advocacy in School: Building Skills That Last a Lifetime

About the Author

Kelley Challen, Ed.M., CAS, is the Founder of Challen Education & Transition Services, where she works with students, families, and schools to create individualized transition assessments and plans that prepare young people for life after high school. Kelley has more than 20 years of experience supporting Neurodivergent teens and young adults, with expertise in self-determination, college and career readiness, and individualized education planning.

One of the most important skills any student can develop, particularly Neurodivergent students, is self-advocacy. At its core, self-advocacy means knowing yourself, knowing what you need, and communicating that to others. In school, that can look like asking for clarification when directions are confusing, letting a teacher know that fluorescent lights make it hard to concentrate, or expressing a desire for more challenge in an academic subject.

While self-advocacy may not come naturally to every student, it is something that can and should be nurtured over time. It can begin even before kindergarten and continue to grow through high school and beyond. The earlier we start, the more confident, independent, and successful students can become in advocating in all areas of their life.

Speaking Up Early

One of the most self-determined students I have ever worked with was an elementary school student whose parents chose to be open with him about his autism diagnosis from a young age. They described it as one aspect of who he was, just like having brown hair, loving the arts, or being sarcastic. By fourth grade, he was starting each school year by introducing himself to his classmates and explaining what his autism meant for him.

He would stand in front of the class and share that he had a tendency toward impulsivity, that he could focus on learning about cats in an unparalleled, intense way, and that sometimes he might misread a facial expression or blurt out honest statements that could come across as hurtful. He did not stop there. He also offered strategies his classmates could use when interacting with him, such as being equally direct and honest.

This young man eventually grew into his teenage years with the same sense of authenticity. Like many adolescents, he developed some anxiety. Still, he remained charismatic, socially connected with a circle of close friends, and, most importantly, comfortable with who he was. His early practice in naming his strengths, challenges, and needs built a foundation for lifelong self-acceptance and advocacy.

Building Blocks of Self-Advocacy

Stories like his remind us that self-advocacy does not just appear in middle or high school when students are invited to attend a 504 or IEP meeting. In fact, some Neurodivergent students do not require formal educational support and will never have these meetings, but all students can still benefit from opportunities to practice speaking up for themselves. Self-advocacy grows through repeated experiences, both small and large, that help students build skills over time.

• Recognize strengths and build confidence. Families and teachers can help by creating routines for naming strengths at dinner, during morning meeting, or in an end-of-day wrap-up. Keeping a visible “strengths list” or journal that grows over time also helps.

• Identify interests and preferences. Using simple check-ins like “highs and lows of the day” helps students notice what they enjoy or dislike. Over time, students can connect those patterns to clubs, volunteering, or classes that match their interests and eventually to career paths.

• Learn about learning needs. Families and educators can talk explicitly about what distracts a student, what helps them focus, and how they like to show what they know. Offering choices in how work is completed, such as drawing, writing, speaking, or movement, reinforces that their preferences matter.

• Practice communication. Self-advocacy requires communication, but not all students will feel ready to speak up in front of a group. Some may begin by writing a note to a teacher, rehearsing with a trusted adult, or asking someone else to read their words aloud. Over time, scaffolding these experiences helps students move from relying on adult voices to finding their own.

• Participate in decision-making. Even before the teenage years, students can make choices about their daily routines, assignments, or extracurriculars. Later, they can contribute to bigger conversations, including IEP or 504 meetings if they have them, and eventually take on more independent advocacy.

Finding a Voice in High School

By the time students reach their final years of high school, the stakes feel higher. I once consulted with the family of a 12th grader who was on track to graduate, but whose parents sought me out because they were worried the student was not ready.

When I asked the parents if the student shared their concerns and could speak directly with the school team, there was a pause. The parents admitted that their child felt the same way, that they were not ready to graduate, but had not voiced it to their team. So we planned to do just that.

I began by interviewing the student. Together, we identified gaps. They had no independent transportation skills, no work experience, missing coursework needed for their intended college major, and transcript interruptions due to mental health leaves. They knew they needed more preparation. The challenge was finding a way to communicate this to their IEP team.

Speaking up directly felt overwhelming, so the student chose to write down their vision and concerns and ask a favorite teacher to read it aloud. That simple step changed everything. The team immediately shifted the conversation toward adding services, supports, and additional time to meet the student’s transition needs.

What mattered was not that the student spoke the words themselves, but that their words were in the meeting and reflected their perspective. That was self-advocacy in action.

Practical Strategies for Families and Educators

The point is that self-advocacy is not one-size-fits-all. It can look like standing in front of a class and explaining your diagnosis, or quietly asking a teacher to read your statement at a meeting. Both are valid and meet the intended goal: self-understanding and communicating needs.

Here are some additional ways parents, educators, and professionals can nurture these skills:

• Normalize conversations about differences. Talk openly about neurodivergence in the same way you might talk about food preferences, favorite subjects, or hobbies. This helps reduce shame and increases self-acceptance.

• Model advocacy in everyday moments. Encourage students to order for themselves at a restaurant, ask for help at the library, or explain what supports help them focus. When students are not ready to advocate for themselves, try finding ways to advocate together, or make sure they see you advocating for them in respectful ways.

• Provide rehearsal space. Whether role-playing conversations, drafting emails together, or reviewing a letter they have written, provide practice for your student to explain their needs in a safe environment before doing it in real life.

• Celebrate advocacy attempts. Listen carefully when students attempt to advocate and try not to jump in. Whether or not the outcome is perfect, acknowledge the courage it takes to speak up. This reinforcement builds confidence.

• Connect advocacy to goals. When students understand that speaking up helps them pursue what they care about, whether that is getting extra time on a test, joining a club, or working toward a career, they are more motivated to try.

A Lifelong Skill

Self-advocacy is not just a school skill. It is a life skill. Students who learn to identify and communicate their needs are better prepared for college, employment, and independent living. They are also more likely to have positive self-esteem and stronger relationships.

It will not always go perfectly. Students will stumble, and systems will not always respond well. But when we start early, provide practice opportunities, and honor students’ voices in whatever form they take, we lay the groundwork for independence, confidence, and success.