Fight or Flight

I heard something somewhere (let me know if you know where this comes from) that people on the spectrum are constantly in a state of ‘fight or flight.’  We get so overloaded with sensory or emotional information that subconscious says either “Get out of here!” or “You wanna fight? Let’s go, I can take you.”  When I first read this, it really struck a cord with me, but I pretty much put it out of mind.

However, at a AANE support group last week, we were talking about criticism.  (I am paraphrasing this from Miss Debbie Geheran here.)  People with AS tend to react much more strongly to criticism or to a raised voice.  Yelling tends to make the mind immediately equate it with ‘death.’  

That sentiment immediately started to make sense of the way that I react sometimes.  A discussion at work where people start getting excited and speak loudly can ruin a day for me, even if only good things were discussed.  A general company wide meeting where the CEO says that everyone needs to pay more attention to details and stop making silly mistakes can make me feel like crying.  Overhearing the man in our shipping department screaming at the walls in frustration (which he does on a fairly regular basis for some reason) can make me sick to my stomach for the rest of the day. 

I have started since paying more attention to this and I’ve noticed that I can’t make the physical reaction go away by acknowledging where it comes from, but I’m able to mentally separate myself from it and, to some extent, not let it completely ruin my day.

Anyone else have problems with this, or any helpful tips?

August 12, 2009  Tags: ,   Posted in: Work  No Comments

AANE Adult Conference

I went to AANE’s adult conference this weekend, the first of any such event for me. I have somewhat mixed thoughts on it, but there was one thing that struck me more than anything: everyone there was completely and utterly a genuinely good person. There was no laughing behind people’s backs, dirty looks, snide comments, etc. None of the usual things that seem to happen when a large group of people get together. I went to lunch with a group of people I had met only minutes before and, although they already knew each other, I was completely welcomed, never felt out of place and never felt like I was interrupting. Some people may consider people with AS to be thoughtless, that’s only because they’re not looking closely enough.

I can honestly say that I have never felt prouder to be associated with any group of people than I do with Aspies.

August 6, 2009  Tags: , ,   Posted in: Events  No Comments

Names and Faces

Names and faces cause me all sorts of problems.  Not only do I have trouble recognizing faces, but also when meeting someone for the first time, I am so focused on smiling and eye contact and speaking clearly and my handshake, etc. that I often forget to listen to the person’s name.  This can, obviously call all kinds of problems in both work and social settings. 

I have developed a few things that help, to some extent.  First, I try to find something particular distinct about the person’s face, such as a scar, or the shape of the nose, etc.  (Hair is often the most distinguishing thing, but, particularly with women, it may change on a fairly regular basis.)  Then I write this down on an index card, along with the person’s name, work title, etc. and the circumstances in which I met them (such as, introduced by my boss in his office on the west side of the first floor).  The act of writing it down can help me remember, and I can review the cards if I know that I’ll be in a situation where I will run into them.

The other thing that I try to do is write down anything about their personal life that they mention, and try to review this every now and then as well.  This way, if I run into someone and I don’t remember his name or meeting him before, once I am told his name, I can ask about that, to show that I didn’t totally forget them.  For example, I can ask about his new grandson or how his Labrador is doing, etc.

What other things do you do to try and deal with names and faces?  Any good stories about a time you messed up, or finally got it right?

August 6, 2009  Tags: , , ,   Posted in: Life  No Comments

On Being Invisible

I had always been good at avoiding attention.  Starting around middle school, I avoided most social situations, whether due to my AS or BP or both.  I was often the kid in class that no one remembered, or no one noticed was around.  I did my thing and everyone else did theirs with little need for the two to intersect.  For the most part, that was just fine with me.  Occasionally, I’d find it irritating, but the benefits usually outweighed the problems.

Then one day in college I realized just how invisible I had made myself.  Standing in a group of 5 people, talking about what everyone was doing that night, I said “Let’s all go to King’s for dinner.  They have the most delicious chocolate mousse.”  I got a nod, an ‘uh-huh’ or so, and people continued the conversation.  About a minute later someone said the same thing that I had just said.  Not just the same idea, the EXACT same thing. Same wording, same inflection.  This time, however, people responded with “That’s a good idea”, “I went there last week”, etc.

People realized that I had said something, enough to acknowledge it. And they had heard what I said, enough to repeat it verbatim.  They just weren’t connecting the two.

This was not a one time thing.  I mentioned it at one point to a project partner and she told me I was being silly.  Then she started noticing it happening.

This invisibility trick can come in handy, when you’re at a family reunion at your father’s second cousin’s house and you know no one.  It can be just plain annoying, when you’re trying to participate in a social setting.  But it can be a disaster at work.  I am a young woman working in an industry full of older men.  In a meeting, or other discussion at work, it is important that I give some input to prove that I belong there.  I can also offer a different perspective on things, as I have more of a materials background then most.  So when I say something, I need it to be heard, and I need people to know that I said it.

Some of this has to do with the fact that I can’t always modulate the volume of my voice properly. I am always whispering things that should be said conversationally, and saying things loudly when I should be whispering.  But I think there is more to it.  I have to work to overcome 27 years of isolation.

How does one become un-invisible?

August 6, 2009  Tags: , , ,   Posted in: Life  No Comments

Friday

Below is a list of things related to my AS that came up at work on Friday:

·         Walk into work.  Say ‘good morning’ to those who say it to me.  Am I interrupting others if I say it first?  Do I need to say more than that?  What if it’s someone I don’t know well?  I’m so glad that only a few people work on my floor.  Less names and faces to recognize.  Sneak into my desk to try to avoid having to talk to people.

·         I have a phone message asking for test results from an outside vendor.  They haven’t come in yet.  I return the call… and it goes to voicemail.  Sweet! It’s so much easier to leave a message than talk to someone, especially when he wants something I don’t have yet.  I stumble a little on the message.  Almost forget what company he works for.

·         Writing a short email proposal.  I’ve written gazillions of these, but they still feel awkward. How do I start?  Do I call him ‘Dave’ or ‘Mr. Genson’? Can I go straight into the proposal or do I need to make small talk first? Etc., etc.

·         Ringing.  The person in the desk next to me left his cell phone on his desk while he went to a meeting.  The electronic noise is painful.  I notice that I’m getting stressed out, and that the stress doesn’t go away when the phone stops ringing.

·         They are currently renovating that building that the lab is in.  They have pulled out the ceiling and then packed up their equipment and moved on to another room. That’s not what they’d told me they’d do.  Put a call into the maintenance manager.  I have no problem working around their schedule… how do I tell him I need to know what’s going on without be whiny?

·         Five sets of samples have come in the past few days.  (I normally get no more than one a week.)  That’s a lot of work to organize.  How do I make sure I don’t forget something?  What if I get some of the jobs mixed up?  Or I forget to label a sample and not be able to figure out where it came from?

·         Assign the lead on one job to the summer intern.  He’s done work with me, but never been the lead on one before, so I have to check in with him every so often.  One more thing to remember.  I don’t want to be too overbearing, but I want to make sure I’m available.  How do I make sure that it’s all done right, without doing it myself?  I know that he’s a smart kid and knows what he’s doing, but that doesn’t make it much easier.

·         One of the jobs came in without any paperwork.  I have to track down the who, what and why.  That’s a lot of phone calls.  I hate phone calls.  I put it off, making a note to make some calls on Monday.  I know that on Monday, I’ll put it off again.

·         Time to go home.  Sneak out the door to try to avoid having to talk to anyone.  Run into the receptionist on my way out.  She talks about the weather.  Why does everyone want to talk about the weather?

Those are some of the issues I ran into.  Anyone have other issues they often come across?

August 6, 2009   Posted in: Work  No Comments

A little background on my work.

First, some quick background on what I do at work.  I work mainly in a lab.  It’s unofficially ‘my’ lab; I’m usually the only person using it and I’m in charge of maintaining equipment, ordering supplies, managing work that comes in etc.  As I mentioned before, I’m the only metallurgist in the company, so I pretty much do all of the metallurgy work that comes in.  For the typical job I get in, I get in a couple of metal samples that I cut up and test and analyze, etc.  The jobs usually about 10-20 hours each, over the course of 4-5 weeks.  There is an intern for the summer who is working with me.  I’ll call him ‘Bud’ (think The Cosby Show).  The other guys in my department (I generally refer to them as ‘the guys’) do field work, going on site at customer locations, crawling around and getting dirty.  Some of my jobs are things that they bring back, some the customers send in directly to me.  My boss, ‘Bill’,  has been around a long time and so he knows a lot, but does not have a metallurgy background, so he doesn’t always know all the technical details.

I thought to start out, I’ll go through a couple of days, to see what sort of issues crop up.  Look for those posts soon.

August 6, 2009  Tags: , ,   Posted in: Work  No Comments

AS and Work Issues

Hello Everyone,

My name is Lindsay and I have been given the opportunity to write on the AspBlogosphere, primarily about employment issues.

I am 27 and have both AS and bipolar type II.  My bipolar has been well controlled for about 4 years.  It was at that time that I began to recognize AS symptoms in myself.  I have particular trouble with the social aspects of AS, but I also have some problems with coordination, recognizing name and faces, and some executive function.  I have been married to a wonderful man, Pat, for almost four years.  He is probably the most social person I will ever meet, so that provides an interesting counterpoint to my AS social issues.

I have worked as a metallurgist (fancy name for an engineer who works with metals) for my company for a little over three years.  I am the only metallurgist in a company of about 500 people.  I typically work on multiple projects at the same time.  Each takes about 15-30 hours over the course of 5 weeks or so.  I also have some longer term projects and research work.  I work with external customers, internal customers (people in a different business unit), and people within my department.  My AS affects all of this in various ways.

I am also going to school part-time to get a master’s degree in Material Science and Engineering.

I encourage all of you to comment, whether you have advice related to my posts, have an issue you’d like me to write about, or just want to say hi.  To comment, click the right-most link under the post’s title (it will read ‘no comments’ or ‘5 comments’, etc.).  You’ll need to register once, and then log-in to comment. 

I look forward to writing for all of you!

-Lindsay

August 6, 2009  Tags: , ,   Posted in: Work  No Comments